Diablog: Sleepy Hollow S2 FINALE

Seriously? That's all we get?
Seriously? That’s all we get?

Rasha: Is it me, or did this episode have NO STAKES. (That is not a question.)

Gemma: That was a very we-don’t-know-if-we’re-getting-renewed-or-not ep.

Primary means of suspense: WILL ICHABOD FIGURE OUT HOW A SMARTPHONE WORKS?
Primary means of suspense: WILL ICHABOD FIGURE OUT HOW A SMARTPHONE WORKS?

R: Like, all the critics online were sooooo verrrry excited! that the time travel would produce an opportunity to reboot the story canon. But no, they just went right back with no time-travel impact. Take backs!

G: I mean, I finally got exactly what I wanted. And I didn’t even care.

Going …
Going …
Going …
Going …
Screen shot 2015-02-24 at 7.49.57 AM
NO MORE KATRINA. (Notice that she blew away to red sparkles. John Noble blew away as green sparkles. That SuperWarlock who all witches fear but was easily dispatched with in one episode blew away blue sparkly. Will Crane blow away as yellow sparklies while a Coldplay song threads through the background?)

R: Can Katrina stay dead? Does this show know how to do that?

G: I don’t believe this show knows what “dead” means, but I would really like to see a Sleepy Hollow without her. But even though I was excited by the notion of an apocalypse-preventing team consisting of the sisters Mills, Irving, and Crane, I was just looking at them at the end and I was like “…so what are you gonna do now?” Dear Ms. Beharie did her damnedest to insert some stakes in there, certainly.

R: Her face was trying to rewrite the dialogue. And the blocking.

Beharie wins at acting once again.
Seriously? In a jail cell for this long? #AbbieDeservesBetter indeed.

G: Well, faces definitely beat dialogue in this episode.

R: Sigh. Three things I loved in this episode: !Grace! !Dixon! (too short), Abbie saving herself after saying “there have been advances in close quarters combat”, and Nicole Beharie’s face.

There's no such thing as too many pictures of Nicole Beharie.
There’s no such thing as too many pictures of Nicole Beharie.

G: I add to that list only: Katrina dying. And the knife floating in midair. I really liked that knife.

Floating knife=quite possibly the coolest thing Katrina's ever done.
Floating knife=quite possibly the coolest thing Katrina’s ever done.

R: The knife had about the highest stakes in the whole episode. Soooo much taaaalking. It was like watching a Richard Linklater film set in Paris.

G: OMG SLEEPY HOLLOW DIRECTED BY RICHARD LINKLATER

R: They’ve already been doing it, haven’t they?

Before Permanent Midnight?
Before Permanent Midnight?

R: Things that should have been awesome in this episode but weren’t: THE KINDRED. Wasted.

G: Squandered.

R: Never let a Franklinstein go to waste.

Stop squandering my presicent supernatural inventions.
Stop squandering my prescient supernatural inventions.

G: Time travel paradoxes. Also squandered.

R: What is the point of you, time travel, if you do not produce paradoxes?

G: It’s true! Learn from Back to the Future, Sleepy Hollow!

This carriage=soooo not a DeLorean.
This carriage=soooo not a DeLorean.

R: OK, question about time travel! Here it is: WTF HAPPENED TO PAST KATRINA WHEN FUTURE KATRINA WENT BACK TO THE PAST? Did she push her off a cliff too? There is no answer.

This travel spell will go forever unexplained. Why? Because nobody cares.
This travel spell will go forever unexplained. Why? Because nobody cares. Also, did they make her eybrows bolder because Evil?

G: SERIOUSLY. If there was a separate Past Ichabod, then how is this even … ulllggggh.

R: I KNOW. Also, they clearly couldn’t afford either of the actual actors who’ve played Headless previously. Y’all is messy.

U/5 NL.
U/5 NL.

G: If your plotting is messy AND your dialogue is bad, what is the point of writing stuff? Let’s just look at these beautiful people being friends and occasionally fighting a monster.

Superfriends!
They do look pretty awesome though. Wish they had some AWESOME STUFF TO DO.

R: I was so angry at the writers for putting that stupid line in Grace Dixon’s lovely and powerfully witchy mouth: sometimes putting a pen to paper can change the world.

You can say something better than that, Grace!
I wasn’t talking about y’all, @SleepyHollowWriters

IF YOU’RE A BAMF WITCH. WHO HAS AWESOME DESCENDANTS WHO ARE FIGHTING DEMONS. Only then.

G: Yeah, that was a low point. I hate it when writers jizz all over their scripts.

R: This was…goddess it was messy.

G: It was messy and pointless. “Can I undo everything that already happened? YES!” is a really stupid way to build suspense.

Here we are again.
Here we are again.

R: Ben Franklin got beheaded, and for a moment, I was like: zomg, they’re going to be stuck in the past! And f*cking up ‘merican history. Rewrite that ish!

G: Yeah, beheading Ben Franklin is an awesome opportunity for time travel paradoxes!!! But nooooooo.

I invented time travel paradoxes, only to see them fall into disuse.
I invented time travel paradoxes, only to see them fall into disuse.

R: LOST. Discarded. When John Noble shows up and is smiling and offering a hand to Katrina, I was wishing he or someone could get us out of this, and back into something…anything.

Screen shot 2015-02-24 at 7.49.03 AM
John Noble’s Ghost Ex Machina.

R: Where is Reyes?! Joey Corbin? Mama’s Ghost?

G: I do not know.

R: I did not need to see Tom Mison be a soldier. That could have been cut.

Ichabod is giving this whole episode the side-eye.
Ichabod is giving this whole episode the side-eye.

R: All the talkifying about Witnessing and why this, why that, could have been cut. Too Much Tell, not enough Show.

G: So many cool ideas float through these eps and get no follow-through whatsoever.

R: I don’t know if you’ve been following the drama with the SH writers making fun of the fandom and then calling on them in their hour of peril.

G: No, I have not. The only way you’re allowed to make fun of your fandom is by saying snarky things about fanfiction or fan culture in your show itself. No direct attacks. You will live to regret it.

R: They’ve apparently dumped on the fandom as mere Ichabbie shippers, which No. And then they tweeted a photo of their staff reading Screenwriting for Dummies. Which isn’t funny no matter how you take it. Like seriously, figure out how to write.

G: I hope they learned something.

Knowledge is power, guys.
Grace Abigail Mills will now read to you from Grace Dixon’s back pages. Take notes, writers.

R: Then they were flexing hard on #RenewSleepyHollow, and even hashtag maven Orlando Jones would tweet the words, but not hashtag it. Someone should Storify this. It is more drama filled than this season finale.

G: Certainly more suspense. And meatier conflict.

R: Well, I’m looking forward to HTGAWM this week, and feeling confident that SCC can continue with that show. I was so sad to let Scandal go! And TGW, really. Which we will come back to next week!

G: We will! And yes, I’m ready to go deeper into HTGAWM next season. Which will be renewed, and deserve it.

R: Rest in Power, Kindred, rise in power. I wanted better for this show.

Our hope for this season fades like the Grace Dixon of the past.
Couldn’t Grace Dixon have hopped across into the current time? And wouldn’t that have been AWESOME?!

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