Diablog: The Good Wife, S6 E16

A team of rivals? Nah, just kidding. This show doesn't even have room for Kalinda anymore.
A team of rivals? Nah, just kidding. This show doesn’t even have room for Kalinda anymore.

Gemma: Doesn’t every single election ever on this show end in this exact manner? Our protagonist wins in an ethically compromised fashion that will come back to haunt us, but not really?

Rasha: Yeah, I don’t think this one is coming back to haunt her. Even the marital sparring between Alicia and Peter seemed to lack fire. Does anyone care? Answer: Diane. And Kurt. And I care about them.

Adorbs.
Adorbs.

G: Me too. And I have always had a soft spot for Oliver Platt.

R: Me too!! I was pleased to see him.

I hope we get to see more sparring matches between R.D. and Diane. Omg, he is going to make a play at her that complicates her relationship with Kurt? The mustache is too handsome for that, surely.
I hope we get to see more sparring matches between R.D. and Diane. Omg, he is going to make a play at her that complicates her relationship with Kurt? The mustache is too handsome for that, surely.

G: Lake Placid forever. I mean, in some ways Diane and Kurt are the most romantic idea on this entire show.

R: I agree. I love her line to him about the problem with eating venison is that she liked killing the deer. I hear you, Diane. My carnivore’s survivalist heart hears you. And I love him that he understands!

The dilemma: meat is delicious. you hate killing in theory. you enjoyed killing this delicious thing. Discuss.
The dilemma: meat is delicious. you hate killing in theory. you enjoyed killing this delicious thing in practice. Discuss.

G: Well, they understand each other so ridiculously well! Chemistry is real, and devotion to loving someone in the face of seemingly insurmountable differences is real! So many worlds more romantic than Alicia and Will, who were kept apart only by logistics.

R: They were kept apart by the rules of TWAT-TV. The rules that require thwarted love for us to have an Interesting Protagonist in a Drama Series. Interestingly enough, comedy series work in exactly the opposite way.

G: Explain?

R: There are a lot more sitcoms that revolve around long term relationships and their journeys.

G: Huh. I feel like “will they or won’t they” is practically an entry requirement for pilot season, comedy or drama.

R: In newer comedies like P&R, The Mindy Project, I’d agree. I’m thinking of the tawdrier ones perhaps, and older ones, which the Melissa McCarthy vehicle reminds me of.

G: Ah. I watched about half of an episode of that and will never go near it again, despite my great affection for McCarthy

R: I don’t feel sorry for the checks they’re writing her. You go cash that check for background-noise-TV, girl, and one day you make whatever the eff you damn well please.

G: Fair enough. Anyway. We have not gotten to Kalinda yet.

R: Or Ms. Bishop, as we’re now calling her, in the minds of presumptive PTA reps.

I can't tell anymore if this show is teasing us by calling her Mrs. Bishop, or foreshadowing, or just d*cking around.
I can’t tell anymore if this show is teasing us by calling her Mrs. Bishop, or foreshadowing, or just wanking around.

G: I always hesitate to say this, but it surely does seem like they’re pushing her towards an actual scene with Alicia again …

R: Right? It was like Lemond Bishop didn’t get the note and has not been watching this show for the past three seasons.

G: Which is not altogether inaccurate.

R: When he was asking Kalinda to go talk to Alicia to secure his retirement, and K says “that’s not a good idea,” I could feel Archie Panjabi channeling all the Don’t-You-Know-That-Diva-Won’t energy—and of course, holding it so delicately and tensely behind a wall of Kalindaface.

G: Well, it’s nice that six episodes before the End of Kalinda, they’re linking her up with the A plot in a manner more concrete than “sleeping with Cary.”

R: Sigh. Are they going to try to have Lemond and Kalinda run off together into the Witness Protection Program?

G: Oh lordy. Please no.

This is the only thing I have to offer from such an immaculate kitchen.
This is the only thing I have to offer from such an immaculate kitchen.

R: There was something about the way he offered her brown liquor in this last ep and then asked if she’d rather have something else, like, I don’t know, water or tea or his leave to go home, that made me wonder what the show is trying to play at in the dynamic between these two. I think at SCC we’ve already agreed there isn’t anything there.

G: I could believe you might be right. I sincerely hope you are wrong. But I can’t imagine they’ll get through Alicia’s tenure as State’s Attorney without keeping Bishop around as a Corrupting Influence.

Spoiler, sort of, maybe, not really: Bishop wants out.
Spoiler, sort of, maybe, not really: Bishop wants out. Don’t we all, honey.

R: Dude, while we’re on Bishop wanting to get out of the game: Did I miss somehow that Peter is secretly Cary Agos’ father and Kalinda/Lana have been recording all these conversations with Bishop the whole time? What do you think Alan Cumming was talking about with a big twist/reveal in Ep 16?

G: I DON’T KNOW AND I WISH I DID. I mean, he could’ve been referring to Alicia and Johnny shtupping in S15, but who was surprised, exactly?

This guy and his sh*t-eating grin. I just can't.
This guy and his sh*t-eating grin. I just can’t.

R: No one. Not surprised that they did, not surprised that he left. I’m not surprised that the ASA’s office was tailing Kalinda rather than Dylan. Dylan, really? Who is tailing a kid?

G: Someone who wants to threaten the only child of the Biggest Drug Dealer in Chicago? In theory, I would buy that. But is that serious, that Bishop’s people just beat up state employees with Kalinda’s tacit approval and those aren’t the consequences we’re talking about?

R: Seriously, if you’re tailing someone, how do you not know you’re also being tailed and then getting carjacked? Those dudes need to get fired.

Smoothest carjacking ever of hired government spies.
Smoothest carjacking ever of hired government spies.

G: And how do you not respond immediately and openly to the carjacking?

R: Seriously. Someone get some Season 1 Grey’s Anatomy up in here because I am wondering: Seriously.

G: Someone get S1-3 of TGW up in here, seriously.

R: Ugh, would the diva please.

G: I’m now trying to think of how they’ll find their denouement, with Alicia as SA and no Kalinda.

R: I have a theory: Cary becomes The Joker. He takes the whole mess down from the INSIDE!

G: I mean, the neatest symmetry would be Alicia ultimately being arrested for corruption just like Peter …

R: Or for sleeping with sex workers. I think Alicia should sleep with sex workers.

G: I’m in favor. Certainly there’s no way we get through S7 without the troubles of their marriage being publicly exposed.

Even the arguments like fireworks.
Even the arguments lack fireworks.

R: That’s where I disagree. This is the Good Wife, the premise of which is a stand-by-your-spouse kind of stoicism that is revealing to be teeming with cynicism, lies, and betrayal underneath, but ultimately presents an unassailable facade to the outside world. Remember when this show was about friendships and mentor relationships?

G: Yes!

R: Goddess, everytime we blog this show, I feel like an old-timer reliving the glory days. Why don’t Cary and Diane fight anymore? Those were good fights.

G:  Those were good fights! Well, S4 was the turn. Because Kalinda. S5 had its flashes of brilliance, as we documented, but I can’t count on it like I used to, certainly. And I would think Cary would be chafing under Diane now, because Diane would be more protective of the firm and not ready to gamble with Cary’s recently tarnished reputation.

But no, instead he's just hanging out with David Lee like everything's new clients and roses.
But no, instead he’s just hanging out with David Lee like everything’s new clients and roses.

R: I know!  That would be a plotline that is connected to the plotlines that came before!

G: Wait, what?! If we connected plotlines, we’d have to acknowledge that Alicia and Kalinda know each other.

R: So clearly they won’t do that anymore. What else do we have to say about this show? I feel sorry for Eli having to wipe Peter’s butt for him.

This face. All the time I am making it. Watching this show.
This face. All the time I am making it. Watching this show.

G: Yeah, I feel sorry for Eli too. There was a point where we acknowledged him having an emotional life, and even if it wasn’t totally successful, it was interesting.

R: I want to just recast all the people I like in this show into other shows. Diane Lockhart is going to HTGAWM to spar with Annalise Keating.

G: OMFG YESYESYES. Or, alternatively, Keating & Lockhart, Attorneys at Law.

R: KEATING AND LOCKHART FOREVER. Eli is going to Scandal so he and Cyrus Beane can hate/love each other.

G: Kalinda is her own damn show.

R: Yes. And I agree that every other show Panjabi is in is just Kalinda in the WPP. Finn can stay on Downton Abbey, I suppose.

You have a nice voice, but we do not have time for you, replacement Will.
You have a nice voice, but we do not have time for you, replacement Will.

G: Yeah. He can play Halo if he wants. I don’t really care. So. Will Kalinda and Alicia speak?

R: They will. It will happen in the plexiglass cell they made for Magneto, and Alicia will be blindfolded. She’s been kidnapped by Sweeney and forced to talk with Kalinda via walky-talky because sound can’t travel through the Magneto cage. Represented by Tacsioni.

G: I like it. That’s probably how Panjabi and Margulies have to communicate in real life these days. Okay. this begs the question: WHY HAVE WE NOT HAD A SWEENEY VERSUS BISHOP STORYLINE YET?

R:  Why? Because our televisions and portable electronic devices would explode, that’s why. This makes me want an Arkham Asylum type arc, where Batman and Robin aren’t as central, and we see all the minor players play off each other.

G: I’m now officially going to stump for a Sweeney-Bishop-Tascioni episode by the end of the season. Aside from an A plot for Kalinda, that’s my primary wish.

R: I don’t know why I’ve been thinking in parallels with Batman and X-Men today. I should go watch some Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Hunting for a thrill.
Hunting for a thrill.

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