Rasha: So, here’s yet another reason Why Kalinda Can Never Come Back. Because she will be double arrested and murderated.
Gemma: Nooooo kidding. Also, then we’d have to reverse Cary’s QUIET DIGNIFIED SADZ.
R: We should make gifs.
Gemma: I don’t know how to, but I’m so in.
R: But seriously, it’s supposed to be okay for Alicia to throw Kalinda under the bus because of a spliced conversation that the two actresses were never in the same room to have, in which we are reminded that Kalinda is Experienced. Are we back at Woodstock now? This episode should have been titled: Are You Experienced?
G: Oh, my gracious, did I laugh out loud at that “bar scene.” Poor Archie Panjabi.
R: Did they actually get the two of them in the same room for the scene where Kalinda grabs Alicia’s phone, or is that old reel?
G: Old reel. S1, the scene where A first asks K “Are you gay?”
R: “No, I’m just Experienced.” We could keep beating this restraining order horse, but let’s move on through the episode. It seems like we’re being served Finn as a replacement Kalinda. Except they eat salad together instead of drinking tequila.
G: That actually makes a great deal of logical sense. We have entered the Kale Portion of Alicia’s Legal Career.
R: Side note: tequila was also the signature drink of bffs Meredith Grey and Cristina Yang.
G: Tequila=female friendship. OBVIOUSLY. I like Finn and all, but there’s no quirk to their dynamic except this slight twinge of sexual tension. I will be decidedly unelectrified by Finn and Alicia vs. Cary and Diane.
R: When he provided the dirt on Det. Hardy, I was thinking that Finn was playing the role they’d have had Kalinda do. I think I like Finn and Alicia better as friends than as lovers, so I guess I’m down with that call. But yes, I’m not very excited about him as a dynamic character. He’s so straight as an arrow in every sense of the word.
G: Note to @GoodWifeWriters: ALL YOUR PEOPLE ARE STRAIGHT AND WHITE NOW.
R: Ugh. It’s true. On top of that, Finn doesn’t have the burnish of moral ambiguity that this show, at its best and even its worst, seems to treasure.
G: I mean, to be fair, clearly they were also thinking that Finn was playing the role they’d have had Kalinda do. Clearly Alicia was supposed to also be thinking that.
R: Yes, I appreciated them at least acknowledging that. But I don’t know that I’m down for the angelic interventions of Finn Ex Machina. The Good Wife: Touched by a Downtown Angel.
G: Sigh. And I can’t believe the memoir was made manifest. The time passage between this episode and last was actually somewhat off. She’d managed to go ahead with the memoir, but Cary hadn’t managed to converse with anyone about Kalinda. Perhaps she’d been sitting at home bored for several weeks, and yet …
R: Well, I support any scenes that make Alicia squirm about how awful a person she is. And how she has no friends.
G: Well, it just hearkens back to S3 and frustrates me. They’ve done several episodes in the past about how she has no friends, how unusual Kalinda is, and in this case they were driving some forced nostalgia that wouldn’t make sense to anyone who had started watching this show in S4 or later.
R: Yeah, even for me it reads as “Alicia is the WORST” rather than “Alicia has suffered terrible losses.” My sense is that it might be more like a week or two after the resignation. Given Eli sending her a call list for donors.
G: Sure, but then Cary’s been keeping Kalinda’s disappearance quiet, and yet Matan & co. knew for certain she had fled the jurisdiction? I’m standing by “this show makes no sense.” They used to have better script supervisors.
R: Yes. The online folks were making jokes about how anyday now Will Gardner will just come back.
G: And yes, Alicia is an isolated, self-isolating person who nostalgically calls her eighteen-year-old son and then dismantles his room for a home office when she has another spare room in her apartment, because Peter once slept in it for an entire season.
R: THANK YOU. It totally felt to me like there was no reason for her to put her office in Zach’s room except to make a conflict when he decided to come home. Why do parents do that to their children? Parents: do not move or throw out your children’s things without talking with them first.
G: Well, especially because a) he is a freshman, and b) she was just making her first gesture towards making amends with him, after an entire season of implied conflict and distance. It did not fit with the logic of the episode itself, much less the character.
R: Unless the logic of the episode was ALICIA IS THE WORST. I just thought of a brilliant crossover between political-legal universes: Alicia meets Fitz. We finally get to see who is really the MOST WORST.
G: And they struggle to out-selfish one another for an entire season?
R: Yes. We’ll call it “R U Experienced?” And the answer is yes, they are experienced at being the Worst. Who would win? Fitz does command an army, unfortunately.
G: Fitz would win, but they’d have a fascinating and torrid affair with the worst sex scenes in history.
R: Bleughhh. Do not want. But also: that is what both characters deserve. What about Mellie vs. Alicia?
G: I kind of want to see their law firm.
R: Mellie does have a law degree. I feel like she’d admire Alicia and feel superior to her at the same time. I wonder if Mellie and Olivia would join forces to nuke Alicia. For the sake of the Republic.
G: No, not gonna happen. Mellie and Alicia would struggle desperately to out-victim each other in private but would have excellent drinking experiences together, and Kalinda would help Olivia corral her personal life.
R: OH YES PLEASE. PLEASE COULD KALINDA AND OLIVIA HAVE THEIR OWN ADVENTURES? I think Olivia needs a solid friend. I think Olivia would kind of get Kalinda, too. And Kalinda could open her world a little.
G: Gawd, we should run the Witness Protection Program. There are so many viable spots for Kalinda.
R: Yeah, i just have one more thing about their time jumps.
G: Do it.
R: I really wish they’d quit time travelling and introducing new adventures to previous seasons of the show. I mean, I understand it if the writers and producers are also nostalgic for S1, but they have a responsibility to write forward rather than rewriting the past.
I get annoyed trying to figure out when all these alleged earlier events took place and whether they are totally new or connected to something that we’ve seen happen in the world of the show.
G: AGREED. Even the COTW. They had so many cases in the first season, they couldn’t bring one of those people back?
R: As excited as I was to see some actual lawyering in this show, I agree. They had to go all the way back to the imagined homeland of S1 to get it.
G: The moral of this episode is: an episode with neither Diane nor present Kalinda is no episode at all.
R: Also: I’m done with the show’s attempt to pretend that Alicia and Kalinda have had any relationship since S4. Now I just think they’re lying.
G: Well, they’re quite clearly lying. And they are not particularly skillful liars.