Gemma: HOLY SH!T THE MADNESS THAT IS THIS SHOW.
Rasha: Dude, I’m sure that given the wide-ranging conspiracy theories put forth by the millions of viewers of this show, someone has speculated about Wes killing his mom. I was not one of them. Do we want to believe that? I don’t.
G: I’d never thought of it, and I think we do not believe it. But I think Wes might think he did. I’m not sure how Wes will have come to think he did, but I suspect that’s in there.
R: Maybe he was fighting off her attackers? Like, he is the only one who could remember who attacked, maybe no one thought he was there, maybe he’s going to be like Inigo Montoya and look for the Man with a Missing Finger who barely escaped from him when he was a child warrior. I’ll ride for that.
G: I was not on board for that Wes-Laurel makeout scene, incidentally.
R: No. All the No. Though I’ve been worried it was coming for weeks, with all her coming up into his bedroom while he’s unshaven and not dressed.
G: Please do not return to that, showrunners. Let’s see if we have the same power over you that we have over @JaneWriters. It is the first true “you are just straight-up incorrect and your convolutions will never be able to save it” moment that this show has delivered.
R: I think the alliance between them is interesting, and I don’t even mind it being complicated by uncertain feelings, but I don’t think they’re meant to be together or go on a journey of magical self-discovery. What about that pairing rings false to you?
G: Well, first of all, it just felt like “straight man and straight woman alone in a car having intense feelings inevitably means THIS,” and that’s a trope that I find inherently irritating. Second of all, sexual desire among the Scooby Gang is incestuous. Third of all, there’s nothing magic there, there’s just something desperate, and the ways in which they would use each other are not at all compelling.
R: Agreed. Case closed. Can I have a moment’s palette cleanser to appreciate Annalise telling Past Frank “No more Men’s Warehouse for you.”?
G: Yes, that was adorable.
R: And a Vest Was Born.
G: If Frank were female-identified, he would totes be my fashion icon. I also enjoyed those small, intense, flash-forward moments with Frank and Bonnie. It was a good variation on the usual flash forward style.
R: Oh, man, BonBon broke all our hearts and hers when she shut down Asher and was like “I will never love you again, Former Boo. Your heart must go on.”
G: That was some good back-acting on Weil’s part.
R: Her stillness has become like an electric current in every scene she’s in. I appreciate that the camera is giving her so many listening shots. Also in the flashbacks as you mentioned.
G: I wasn’t quite sure what was happening in the Annalise and Nate scenes. It feels like we’re just treading water with Nate until his next major turn, making sure we remember his presence.
R: I was glad to see Annalise getting some. She looked radiant, radiant in that red silk robe and the tousled ‘do. Stel-la! And I suppose it gives a set up for her to consult Nate. I was worried she was going to ask that man to do yet another sketchy thing.
G: I mean, I’m all in favor of them both getting some, don’t get me wrong, but it’s not feeling NECESSARY yet. But I suppose each episode of this show is so chockablock that it hasn’t really been so long since Nate was necessary. He will be again soon.
R: I am confused about where he’s at. Like, not just he usual Why Does He Stay, but like does he still want to be here or not? Seems like he only visited when she was sick because Bonnie visited him like the Ghost of Murders Past and Future.
G: Something must be afoot. What, I do not know.
R: I thought for sure Eve was going to be back this episode, given her reappearance in the flashbacks (I know it was footage we’ve already seen, but still). We know she’ll be back before the season is done.
G: Well, she better be or nothing will make any sense. Famke Janssen had better be shooting a good movie. Also seeming to be treading water at the moment: Connor and Oliver. I know we can only have so many balls in the air at once, but still.
R: I feel like Connor would make a joke her about balls being aired.
G: Yes, I saw what I did there.
R: I am looking forward to more Professional Lesbian Mermaid fashion. I *loved* the duo of AK and BonBon’s winter whites this week.
G: That was high fashion, yes.
R: Also, very Batman and Robin of them.
Dude, what do we think of that Mahoney flashback case?
G: Aside from Creepy Racist Dad?
R: Dude, hella wanna slap the taste out of his mouth.
G: Indeed. But beyond that, I remain deeply curious about Rose’s involvement, which clearly goes beyond what we heard, and about what actually happened to the company, whether the prosecutor’s narrative is, in fact, on
R: But the show is right to go there with a pregnant AK, though it felt like this episode didn’t finish its retort to Racist Dad questioning AK’s ability to do her job while being a woman, pregnant, and Black.
G: Yes, but it felt like we’ve got a retort building. As of yet, I’m not concerned about that.
R: I bet Creepy Dad killed the fiance. It’s his company. Or Creepy Mom.
G: Nah, the mom did.
Jinx! All our symbolism gonna be about mothers for a bit, I think– which hopefully heralds the return of Cicely Tyson.
R: Ooo, you are so right!! Ok, Creepy Mom killed informant DIL, then Creepy Racist Dad covered up for Creepy Mom. So what does Rose know that’s more than just who was in the office that night?
G: Maybe Rose has another reason to cover up for Creepy Mom.
R: Must I ask: LIKE WHAT?!
G: I REALLY DON’T KNOW.
R: Fair enough.
G: You can do Shondaland plot points. I just know shapes.
R: Imma think about it. I may have to get back to you after I meditate on GA and Scandal, which I haven’t watched yet. Align myself with the cosmic Shonda oracle.
G: Sphinx of Shondaland. Nah, Shondaland would never have a sphinx. Anyway.
R: Wuthering Hapstalls?
G: Yes, I was just gonna say, we haven’t hit upon the sibling prison visit, or Michaela.
R: Catherine killed her parents and wanted to sleep with Caleb, right?
G: Really? That’s so boring.
R: That’s what all her mess about “a brother who would LURVE me like I want to be loved” is for, right? Just Ew, girl. Or were they going to Thelma-and-Louise it around the world with the inheritance and be like: Later Dead Parents!
G: Well, it seems we’re supposed to start believing Caleb is sincere. But maybe I’m wrong. We must not forget Catherine’s creepy@ss paintings.
R: I will #neverforget those paintings. I thought she killed them from the jump.
G: You did, it’s true. I really, really want those emails to be coming from someone other than Philip. I want Philip to be dead and the emails to be an inside job.
R: Really? Caleb could have shot the video, but why would he want money? And he knows they’re lying anyway.
G: He wouldn’t, he’d want them to think he wanted money, and he doesn’t know how they’re lying, exactly. Ugh. It is just very clear to me that we never proved Philip was a serial killer, or a killer at all, and if the show lets that assumption ride where it lets no others ride, I will be annoyed.
R: What if Caleb killed Philip, and now he knows Catherine will Hate Him Forever, but he wants to pressure AK and team into springing Catherine from jail, but they can’t do that without Philip. I think Philip is this season’s Rebecca. Not admirable, but not a killer.
G: That would be nice.
R: I think it was Catherine’s idea all along. Maybe she even went looking for him. After hearing her “aunt” on some drunken racist rant some night.
G: Because Caleb didn’t loooooooove her?
R: I don’t think that’ll be the only reason. Ok, what I do want to know about Catherine: How does she keep that lush false eyelash game so tight IN PRISON??
G: Phoebe wanted to know the same thing.
R: I think she did not have those eyelashes pre-prison. Maybe that’s like her prison tattoo? Are false eyelashes what they do at Camp Cupcake?
G: Ow. A prison eyelash tattoo sounds like the most painful thing ever.
R: Little sh!t like that always bothers me. Like, I believe that AK sleeps in her wig and makeup when she’s getting it on, but that’s because we’ve SEEN her strip it all down. Ok, now I officially want to know about Catherine’s life in prison. Webisodes people, this is what webisodes are for.
G: We should wrap. Actually, I want to register one suspicion:
R: Oh, go for it!
G: Much as I hate to voice it, I will not be surprised if Oliver is somehow not who we think.
G: That’s as far as I’ve gotten, but something about the Connor-Oliver-Stanford scene put me on alert.
R: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, tell me what you saw NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOo. You got me singing Toni Braxton’s “UNBREAK MY HEART”!!!!!!!!!!!!!
G: Oliver’s asking Connor to open up to him. Connor doesn’t do it. We are getting weird things from mysterious internet sent to Connor as opposed to anyone else. Oliver is our resident haxxor. We’re seeing him a lot for someone who has no plot. I am just saying.
R: Ugh. Remind me how they first met?
G: I can’t remember. And I don’t think Oliver was always this way. I think someone got to him. I think we were right to trust him for the first season, and things have changed.
R: Oh Lourdes, you got me reaching for the wall to catch myself! Now I really can’t wait till next week. Trust no one for real, y’all!