Gemma: Ugh, this episode, no.
G: Yeah, I was annoyed all around.
R: I’m a little excited about twin Petra. Grump to me.
G: Yeah, twin Petra has some merit, definitely, but the bachelorette-party randomly appearing Asian stereotype was enough to set me off for a while.
R: Weird/genius Angela?
R: I have seen that actress before, but we haven’t seen her on this show, have we?
G: I think we might have once for like two seconds? At least that was what the narrator was implying. She certainly hasn’t had a scene. And the Xo-Jane confrontation seemed to come out of nowhere, relative to the last honest confrontation we had among Villanuevas, and was clunkily written.
R: It felt much more like a Season 1 kind of anger, and it has seemed like they were getting to different places in their relationship, and last episode, Xo was the only reasonable one not wanting to get married.
G: Indeed. Maybe that’s it. We haven’t really seen That Xo in a while. The Derek dance is boring, though I could get something out of the insider trading plot at some point, I guess.
R: I have been #donewithDerek before he was a longlost sibling twinkle in a writer’s eye.
How many longlost siblings has this show turned out?
G: Literally all of them? I’m way more excited about Twin Petra, and you’re right, I did enjoy the coyness of that build.
R: Like, Jane and Michael need longlost siblings.
G: Do they, though? Do they really?
R: According to the internal logic of this show, it’s starting to be weird that they don’t have them. I am so excited about twin Petra. Maybe foreshadowed by Petra herself having twin girls? By Magda’s comments? Also by the reappearance of Rogelio’s step-daughters, who I guess don’t have a mother anymore?
G: Oh, I get it. The Royal JTV Twin Parade. Valeria and Valentina might have a mother and still be all demanding with their guilty incompetent stepdad. The bachelor party schtick dragged on for waaaay too long given its one-trick-ponydom
R: Rogelio seemed on autopilot this week. Which is another reason that the PTSD storyline should have been/should be carried through.
R: We were promised epic rapping, and I give all love to Gina Rodriguez for her many estimable talents and charms, but that was not epic rapping, even in the fantasy version.
G: Not even a little. She pulled it over as well as she could, but epic it was not. Also the Lina “personal crisis” felt decidedly forced.
R: Particularly because Lina as a character only shows up when we need Jane to understand something. I didn’t realize until the end that Lina’s revelation was really about giving Jane the phrase “cautionary tale” to wound Xo with.
R: Is Lina going to become Rogelio’s stylist? That seems a natural permutation.
G: Ooh, I hope so! I wouldn’t mind seeing more of Lina, all things considered. I mean, Lina’s got her OITNB shooting schedule to work around, but still.
R: They might be funny together.
G: They might. I usually like New Combos as a thing to revitalize a show.
R: Dude, where TF is Luisa? Derek is not that interesting.
G: I DO NOT KNOW. Hopefully in something better than an ashram with Susanna. Derek is not any interesting.
R: I hope Luisa and Susana are loveshacking it up, sleeping their way through Mutter’s ranks until they can build an international RICO case.
G: Well, SOMEbody musta been sent undercover with the Mutter gang. Otherwise we’ve just been watching completely useless floundering for several episodes. The main thing Michael had going for him was that he was actually a good detective.
R: Right?! And is Susanna just sleeping on Mutter’s threats to her family? That seems improbable. As much as kidnapping Mateo on the day of his birth was too much for me, I could do with a bit more action that isn’t all flamingo and teal colored.
G: I too could handle that. Perhaps Luisa and Susanna have gone to protect Susanna’s younger brother while Luisa mourns Rose … no, that doesn’t make any sense.
R: Going back to being annoyed with the batchelorette party setup: am I right that Jane’s only Black girlfriend doesn’t even get a name as dubious as Weird Angela?
G: Well, nobody else got a name in that party tonight. So yes.
R: Right, and Michael also has one Black friend. And none of his friends have names.
G: No, Michael’s Black friend did get a name. But I don’t remember what it was. Rogelio called him by it, though.
R: For a show that can feel so tightly glued, it feels a bit drafty when they play in the gaps like that.
G: Indeed. Drafty is a good word for this entire episode. Not entirely Structurally Unsound, but definitively built by skirting building code.
R: Also, like what has Xo been doing since she performed on the cruise with Rogelio? Teaching dance? Singing at the bar? She’s auditioned for some things. I suppose we got Alba’s attempt at foreshadowing last ep with the whole “you’ll move out one day too, my malingering 40-year-old baby.” Will Xo get her own place?
G: But seriously, I am unclear on how any income is coming into this household sometimes.
R: FOR REAL.
G: I guess Jane’s program was fully funded and she has a stipend, in addition to a shift or two at the Marbella.
R: Like I guess they own the house from way back in the Mateo Sr. days.
G: But did Mateo the Elder strike it rich at some point in his early life in the US? Alba only got her green card like ten minutes ago, so they haven’t been receiving state aid in any serious way. And Xo used to teach little kids’ dance classes, but she doesn’t seem to do that anymore since she can just spend leisurely days at the Marbella when her house breaks.
R: I don’t know. It seems way more likely that Alba should be working somewhere. I suppose we return here to a world seen through flamingo and turquoise glasses.
G: But they used to be so much better at stuff like that. Ugh, premature nostalgia.
R: Early onset hipstergrump.
R: We are all fighting it.
G: One of my moodswings is definitely set to curmudgeon.
R: I feel like nostalgia for some sh*t that wasn’t that long ago is one of the defining components of contemporary hipsterdom.
G: Legit. So. What good can come of Petra’s long-lost twin? Besides C-movie Maslany?
R: Well, Petra seems to arise whole cloth as some fabulous woman, confident in her tastes and rights to the finest things in life. It would be interesting to see her sister not have any experience with that. Now I am totally thinking about Helena. Oh, I’ve missed Helena!
G: We get Helena back in just a couple of short days!
R: Anyway, I’m sure PetraTwin is conniving and manipulative and devious. Because she is related to Magda and Petra.
G: And possibly dispatched by Magda.
R: Is she actually Petra’s sister, though?
G: OR HER CLONE?
R: And why did she dye her hair?
G: So as not to call attention to her Petra-replicate self upon entering the Marbella?
R: Seems like that would be an advantage. I mean, it makes sense why we as the audience are misled by what looks like Petra1.0 dyeing her hair, but I’m not sure why Petra2.0 is. She’s on the run? From Mutter?!
G: Ooohhh, I hope so!
R: I feel like one day, Mutter and Magda will meet on the fields of battle.
G: If they haven’t already sometime deep in the past.
R: And then we will see the music video that should have beaten “Bad Blood.”
G: I will forgive JTV many of its trespasses if they can pull that off.
R: Now I am just writing a completely different show.
G: You could make worse choices.
R: So, Xo’s gonna move out.
Alba’s gonna start dating. Jane’s going to marry Michael and have sex, and next season he’s going to die.
G: He’s gonna die in the season finale, isn’t he? I don’t know. Can the show handle that kind of grief?
R: Nah, I think he’ll live until next season. I mean, they might kill him at the end of this season, but I think they’d risk revolt.
G: Possible. But we still have 5 eps to go of an ordinary network season. Much can happen.
R: Mutter is going to figure largely. Maybe she will kidnap everyone.
G: I want my Lesbian Crime Matriarchy back.
R: Will you please get that printed on some tshirts so we can wear them together in public?