Rasha: So Michael’s going to die, or not die. One of those two, definitely. I just read some TV reportage that 20 deaths are planned in TV finales this year.
Gemma: Your powers of deduction are astonishing. Given how many TV shows there are, that actually sounds like a low estimate. I did enjoy Michael being sort of goofy and demanding on Ro’s set in this ep. It was a fun bit.
R: That was fun. I love Esteban. His chemistry with Xo and Ro was delightful.
G: I was very annoyed about the outcome of the Dina situation, but glad that the person Xo slept with was a character with whom we had prior acquaintance.
R: Yes. Rogelio in glasses was adorbs. Like, do I want to put him up as a pinup or imitate him for my own nerd chic?
G: Yes, you want to do both of those things.
But then you want to punch the end of that storyline in the face.
R: You thought they were too flip with Dina finding Rogelio’s faking it charming and sweet?
G: Yes! There had to be a way for Dina to fall for Rogelio’s charms, and even though I enjoyed seeing Rogelio bumbling and flustered (though they could’ve come up with a funnier text faux pas), I was just like, Dina, no! You were having fun!
R: Yeah. They could have gone on longer. But this show seems to think that 2 episodes is a full story arc, so for them to take 3 episodes to get here must feel expansive to them.
G: I wanted a different denouement. My only hope is that Esteban and Xo will actually be interesting. Because that’s the only way to justify Dina actually wanting to be with Rogelio.
R: That would be great!
G: Besides the glasses. Which I agree go a long way.
R: Right?!?! You know, I want to address the meta-ness of the show, because now it seems that I’m just watching the show as a way of receiving the writer’s replies to my/other people’s criticisms.
G: It’s true. They’ve gotten almost abrasive about it.
R: I’m thinking of Rogelio’s speeches about telenovelas not being realistic. You know, I don’t expect or want this show to be realistic. When I criticize the rushed storylines, it’s not because they are factually implausible, but because they are not emotionally satisfying. I’m remembering the pilot, and all the delicious conceit of the bus signs of Santos winking at Jane until Santos/Rogelio walks into Xiomara’s bar before her gig and is all like “you didn’t tell me we had a daughter.”
I want emotional payoff, and this show has not been delivering.
G: Yes! When this show is at its best, it delivers emotional engagement that’s in a slightly absurdist, slightly funny, slightly genuine dialogue with melodrama. But these days it’s picking style over substance, and I keep thinking, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO MAKE THIS CHOICE. YOU CAN HAVE BOTH THINGS.
R: Right? Whoever wrote the pilot, where is that person? Do they need to be sent on a silent meditation retreat or go on a technology fast (except for reading our blog, of course)?
G: I also feel like Xo is losing out a great deal these days. Time was, she was a somewhat talented performer who was a bit of a ditz and had a hard time getting it together. The amateurishness of her mistakes in studio were painful to watch ,and could have been done well.
R: Agreed that the Xo scene felt lazy. Alba too!
G: Yes, Alba too, but at least she had a story that was hers recently, even though it was stupid.
R: Rafael feels like a secondary plot device to his rando new brother.
G: Well, hopefully Mutter shows her face somewhere in public soon, and we get at least a couple of plots to come together. Plus, Michael left a message for SUSANNA. Lesbians, are you coming back to us?
R: LESBIANS, THIS IS EARTH> PLZ RETURN AND SAVE US. Maybe this means that Luisa will quit her telenovela gig on the other side of town in Rosewood and come back too! To slap the taste out of rando-half-brother’s mouth for daring to threaten her brother! You know what Luisa needs? An mpreg storyline. I propose Derek as a candidate.
G: OH HELLZ YES. Get emotional reality out of THAT, m-f-ers.
R: Dude, with all their stabs at political relevancy with Alba’s immigration and the blink-and-you-miss-it d*ck joke about presidential candidates this week,
they could get serious mileage out of a Lesbian Gynecologist. And not just in the easy laughs kind of way. Seriously, women’s access to healthcare in this historical momen in the U.S. is…fertile ground for commentary.
G: Well, all their political immediacy is blink-and-you-miss-it, including that one time that Alba got a green card. But yes, I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE.
R: I will acknowledge the Things we did get that technically we probably like or should because we have asked for them: Presumed Lesbian Feminist KillJoy professor takes Jane’s side and proves she’s not just a hater.
G: That was cute. It had adorable arrows.
R: Alba suddenly has a job, both in a flashback and in a schedule she has to rearrange to make it to Petra’s lunch.
G: It’s true! I mean, it would be nice if we knew anything about it whatsoever besides the fact that it has a shift on Sundays, but it’s a step.
G: I liked Flashback Alba’s hair, incidentally.
R: And her flashbackeyelashes– not quite as lush as #prisoneyelashes, but still.
G: You can’t have everything.
R: Jane and Petra are legit feuding again, which maybe will be productive? But Petra’s heart isn’t really in it like before.
I did enjoy Petra ribbing Raf for asking Jane for advice about dirty deals. Like, duh, baby-daddy, who you gonna call?
G: Yeah, that was a quality moment. I’m still not seeing what Aneszka’s really there for, besides the one-trick pony joke of Hey There’s A Twin.
R: Dude, is she going to Single White Female Petra and try to steal her life? What was with that ending with the nannies?
G: I do not know. I suppose we shall see next week.
R: Apparently Aneszka can do a better impression of her sister than Helena. WHICH< BTW< I FINALLY WATCHED ALL THREE EPISODES OF. THEY ARE SO SMART.
G: F*CK YES. That opening episode was just perfectly done.
R: IT WAS EVERYTHING I DIDN’T KNOW I DESPERATELY WANTED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT AND KNEW SO LITTLE ABOUT THAT I COULDN’T EVEN GUESS WHAT I DIDN’T KNOW.
G: Although Helena’s not doing an ENTIRELY horrible Alison these days, or so people’s responses to her would have us believe. See, it just bears out, again and again, my feeling that Manson and I-forget-his-surname are kind of just besties playing their own long-term fiction out on a TV show for fun, and it just happens they have brilliant actors on board and we love it.
R: WE LOVE IT SO MUCH.
G: They have all this backstory in mind, their only question is will they have a chance to air it and if not, oh well, they’ve thought of it anyway. I’m still waiting for Delphine to show up with a bionic organ.
R: When you write it like that, it sounds all sexy.
G: Hey, it’s not impossible. Certainly it wouldn’t be unprecedented in the fic.
R: LET’S WRITE OUR PILOT FEATURING ORLANDO JONES AND ARCHIE PANJABI in post-Katrina Delta, with guest feature appearances by Nicole Beharie.
G: YES PLEASE. NIKKI BEHARIE IS AVAILABLE NOW. SHE CAN PLAY O JONES’S SISTER. Anyway, can’t long-lost twins ever do anything but take over their siblings’ lives? (On JTV. On OB, obvs they can.)
R: Funny, I just watched the S4 premiere of Sherlock on the BBC, and Cucumberbund was very insistent that: It’s never twins, Watson! Made me think of JTV.
G: There exists a happy twin medium between never and always.
R: Now it’s become clear that I can only blog about this show by saying what other shows would say about it. I may have reached peak and should stop.
G: I don’t think I have much else to offer. LESBIANS COME FROM SPACE AND SAVE US ALL.
R: with MPreg storylines, Praise Kindred.